When she said she puked in the hallway, she meant the ENTIRE hallway.

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, stinky (literally), day.

And I'm going to blame 90% of it on Elya LaMarche. Who is pretty awesome, and I really like her. But seriously Elya!

It all started when Elya got super fit and sexy and I decided I need to get back to that too. So I ordered the same program she is on and started it yesterday. It involves copious amounts of colours and numbers and meal planning, and wicked work-outs. Which I started last night.

So I don't know if it was the work-out before bed, or my mind running in circles about my job, but I did not sleep at all last night. I finally gave up trying to sleep around 5:30am and watched Once Upon a Time and straightened my hair.  So to start the day off I was tired.

As part of this program, I had a super healthy shake for breakfast. This is fairly typical for me. Nothing new about that, except I was using Elya's recommended shake powder. And I had gas. All day. Like the burning your skin off, what died in my intestine, my eyes are watering, I can taste it, kind of gas. One of the perks of teaching 7th grade though, is that I could blame the stinky funk in my classroom on pubescent boys and gym class.

It is now 7:20am in my story and things are not great. I go to work early in hopes of getting things accomplished. First of all I remember it is Orange Shirt/Every Child Matters day and my employer has been oh so kind as to provide some fantastic orange t-shirts for everyone on staff. Orange is a great colour. Looks great on everyone. (That was sarcasm)

7:22am now. I change my shirt to the orange one, because really, school spirit is more important than me being pretty and looking healthy. Time to get to work. I can get SO much accomplished in the next hour and a half. Or not. I open my email to find an "ooops we forgot to tell you about an assembly that is happening at 9am today" email.  Now normally, this wouldn't be a problem. It really wouldn't, except my schedule this week is jam packed because on Friday I found out I have to get all our government testing done this week. My schedule was already messed up with the testing, and now they throw this in. I had to re-arrange our math class, library class, and Social Studies class. Which required me to talk to 3 different teachers and mess up their schedules a bit too. My Type-A personality does not like last minute schedule changes - unless they are for something fun. Free chocolate fountain in the gym? Sweet, I'll cancel the tests, who cares about report cards! Baby mini-animals zoo in the soccer field? try and keep me away! Re-arranging my schedule took the better part of 40 minutes.

8:10am. For all you parents out there, just so you know, the absolute BEST TIME in the world to talk to your child's teacher is before school. We aren't doing anything. Not planning, or organizing, or marking, or getting things ready. So come on in. Take as long as you like. It's not inconvenient. Not as inconvenient as sending your child's teacher an e-mail asking when a good time would be to meet. (This is also sarcasm)

8:40am. Students arrive. Approximately 2 out of 30 did their homework. Massive amounts of organizing and figuring out why they are 13 and can't put their names on their paper.

9:00am - the 15 minute assembly that already toyed with my day, took 35 minutes. Now I have lost another block of lessons.

10:45 - recess supervision. It's raining. What a waste of perfectly great straightened hair. And a student brings me a rice krispy square and I have to turn it down because Elya says so. (It would have made my day better, just sayin')

12:30. Yay. Lunch. Complete with another email that made me unhappy. And lettuce. Fun times. Fun times.  I also start to notice my legs are not working properly thanks to my workout last night. I have difficulty lowering myself to use the toilet. (Elya's fault again.)

1:15. Math. Seriously, this 6th grade problem makes no sense! I even pulled the, "So _____ how would you solve this problem?" card. SIX TIMES and no one could figure it out. So we skipped it. Because I am a GRRRRREAT teacher like that. Dumb math.

2:00.  I'm avoiding sitting because it's really hard to get up and down. I also have this conversation:
"Mrs. Delay, someone threw up in the hallway."
"Was it you?" I ask, noticing puke on her shirt.
"Yes. Can I go home?"
"Yes."

So who cleans up the puke? Well I ask at the office who deals with puke. I asked three different administrators and they all said the Janitor. Well the janitor was not there. And when she said she puked in the hallway, she meant the ENTIRE hallway. Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, EXPLOSION, right by my classroom door. Conveniently located beside the girls washroom.  So, with no help from my superiors about where to locate vomit-cleaning supplies, I cleaned it up while my students happily played in the computer lab.

2:40. Students leave. Sigh. I tried to accomplish something after school, but I couldn't. I gave up at 3:30 and went home. And worked out again, despite my legs that aren't quite working properly.

And there ends the tale of my no good, horrible, stinky day. AKA "The Day Elya Ruined By Being Too Fit and Awesome and Inspirational."