2016 Review

2016 Reflections

10 Highlights

My baby shower
The birth of Evangeline Jane
Getting a drill for Christmas after (strongly) hinting about it for months
Winning big at the local Harvest Fair
Buying a new house
Renovating our crapshack and our "Painting Party"
Gilmore Girls Revival Weekend with my sisters
The birth of my first nephew, Elias
Vanessa getting engaged
Baby accessories. Shoes, booties, headbands, baby bikini's. I love all of it.
10 Disappointments
Not being able to breastfeed
After birth recovery time and Postpartum Depression
Granny dying 4 days before Eve was born and not getting to tell her that we had planned to name her first great grandchild after her.
Discovering the most awesome paint trim painting tool ever - when we were nearly done all our painting and renovations.
Not being well enough to fully enjoy our houseboat vacation this summer.
Fuller House
When the house cleaner I hired didn't show up and Arron and I had to clean our new house until late in the evening and I was so pregnant and sad.
Evie's being sick through her first Christmas.
A salt-dough electricity conductor experiment I worked hard on that didn't work.
"Me Before You" the movie. Didn't live up to the book in the least.

3 Game Changers
Having a baby
Buying a new house
Having a doula. Best money we ever spent.

3 Things I Focused onBaby
House renovations
Being creative & doing a lot of crafting projects

 3 Things I forgot

To make my famous "Bacon Roses" for Mitch for Christmas
My pillow at the hospital
To show up on a week I was scheduled to speak at Chapel. I was all prepared and ready to go, I just forgot to actually go. 

Big Seller

I started my challenge last week and have made it from $2 to $61 with another $50 of sales sitting on my craft table waiting to be picked up and $90 in orders waiting for me. I'm feeling pretty excited and hopeful that I will make enough money to buy the supplies I need for my craft show. It's a fun little hobby - selling things and then using the cash to buy supplies to make bigger and better things. My biggest seller over the last two weeks has been "Baby Birth Stats Art". People seem to really like them and I've sold quite a few. Here's some I've been working on.

If you are interested in one, send me an e-mail. $12 mailed to your home (frameless) or $12 with a frame (pick-up). 

New Challenge

I started a new challenge today. I decided the other night that next fall I would like to do a craft show or two. I make tons of really cool baby items for myself/Eve and whenever I send pictures of them to my sister Bethany or my friend Jacci they tell me I should make more and sell them. So I thought about it, and after some research on supply costs, displays, effort/time etc, I decided that I would like to build a stockpile of really cool baby things and then sell them at a craft show next year. I'm very excited about this.

I brought it up to Arron tonight and he said, "I feel like this is going to be you spending a lot of money and time on craft supplies to only make $5." I asked him if I could spend $100 on craft supplies and go from there. He laughingly suggested that I get $2.  We laughed and talked about it and decided that I could spend $100 on supplies and go for it.

Then it got me thinking. The craft shows are a year away. I wonder.... could I start with making a $2 item, sell it, and use the profit to get more supplies, then sell those items, get more profit, and more supplies. Basically a crafty version of the game 'Bigger and Better.'

So that's what I'm doing. I made two pairs of baby legwarmers tonight (total cost $2) and just put them up for sale on a few of our local buy and sell sites. I also had a pile of 'crinkle taggies' that I made on the weekend out of some old fabric scraps and ribbons. These are basically all profit since it was just random stuff I had laying around in my craft room.

If you are interested in helping out my crafty endeavor, send me an e-mail: nikkijdelay@gmail.com  Shipping is free for my faithful blog readers.

Baby Leg warmers. They make changing diapers a breeze. $5 each or both for $8.

Crinkle Taggies. Sick of your husband telling you that you are a bad mom for letting your baby play with pieces of plastic? Even though she loves the sound of it? Buy one of these home-made crinkle taggies. Your choice of Purple/Grey Paisley, Red/Blue Buttons or Blue Chevron/Vines. $5

Postpartum

Hi Everyone!
I know, I know, it's been a looooooong time since I posted something. But have you seen my adorable baby???? Obviously I'm busy playing with her and dressing her up 5 times a day in different outfits. Look how cute she is:

Seriously, the absolute cutest. Love her.

I've been approached by a few people to share my story of Postpartum Depression in order to encourage other mom's and to bring to light a thing that isn't talked about. I had a massive response to sharing the story of our miscarriage and so I am going to share with you today my journey as I struggle through Postpartum Depression.

When you have a baby it is assumed that life is all sunshine and rainbows and baby giggles and joy at finally meeting your little one. But for many people like myself, it wasn't. My baby blues were more than just baby blues, and they lasted a long time. I would have meltdowns of epic proportions which involved screaming, crying, cry-screaming, sobbing, sob-screaming, and misery of all sorts. It was horrible. It was horrible because this beautiful, perfect, baby girl, that I had cried out in prayer for YEARS for, was finally here and after 15 years of wanting nothing more than to be a mom, I realized I hated it.  After losing my first child and praying and questioning whether or not I would conceive again, I had my rainbow baby - and even though she was/is a wonderful baby, I didn't like my new role as mom. It was heartbreaking.

In early August, after yet another meltdown (bless my husband's loving and patient heart), I decided that my behaviour was more than just simply exhaustion and 7 weeks of agonizing breast-feeding pain. I went to the ER at the hospital and sought medical help. I was so embarrassed and hurt and disappointed in myself that I didn't even tell Arron I was going. I left him with Eve and took myself. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, the doctors and nurses at our local hospital are FABULOUS. I was so incredibly blessed to meet with the ER doctor on call who just happened to have 20 years experience as a psychologist.  I went home, talked with Arron, left Eve with our grandparents and took Arron back to the hospital with me to talk to the doctor about treatment.

Friends, I have done EVERYTHING I can possibly do to get myself back to normal-Nikki. I started medication, have done counselling, had my mom move in for a week and a half and then went back to Kamloops with her for another week. I humbly e-mailed my friends in town and asked for meals, and for someone to come over every day to watch Eve so I could have a nap. That was hard. But my friends stepped up in a major way. They brought meals, they baby sat Eve (even if it meant calling their mothers over to watch their own children), they prayed, they did my laundry, they swept my floors. One friend took the 4am shift a few times so that I could get more sleep.  It was probably the most humbling time of my life, but I'm glad it happened because I needed to get better so I could be a good mother, and a good wife.

Asking for help sucks! Admitting you can't take care of the child you prayed for sucks! Failing at something (breastfeeding) when you always have succeeded at things, sucks! Needing your mommy to take care of you when you are 34 sucks! But having friends and family around who love you and will help you through these trials is amazing!! AMAZING! I am so blessed and loved.

Things are much better these days. It took about 4 weeks for my medication to kick in, and right around the same time Eve started sleeping (mostly) through the night. I got the help I needed and life is good again. I still have the occasional episode and I will be 'in treatment' (medication and therapy) for a year, but it is helping and I feel like myself again.

I thought I would share with you a list of helpful do's and don'ts for interacting with someone struggling with postpartum depression. This list is specific for me and may not be the same for other people.


Don't
-Ask me how I'm doing (unless you are a good friend)
-Say phrases like "you must love being at home with your little one." "are you loving being a mom?" "you must be so thrilled to finally start a family." Sometimes these things are true, often they aren't.  Don't get me wrong, things are OK, but I miss my job, and mom-ing is hard and sometimes boring. I like it, but I don't love it like people think I should (and like I thought I would.)
-Tell me I look good. It's a lie. I'm carrying around what I could say is baby-weight, but it's really just kit-kats and Mrs. Vicky's chips.
-Ask me to help with anything. If I volunteer to do something, or ask if I can help then I will, but if you ask me, I feel like I should help and then I get overwhelmed.



Do
- Offer to babysit my super content baby so I can have some free time.
- Drop off a meal.
- Send and encouraging text.
- Pray
- Remind me how awesome and adorable my baby is.
- Drop off a beer for Arron. Because he is a superstar helping me get through this.
- Ask me about my counselling and what I'm learning and how I'm implementing new skills.
- Send me funny video's and memes.
- Read this article so you can understand the basics of my illness
- Ask me to share something funny that Eve or Arron did that made me chuckle recently.

I really am feeling good these days, and I want to encourage other mom's who are struggling that you can get better. It's hard and it is humbling. But if you really want to get better you need to suck it up and ask for help. People will help. You are loved and being part of a family - be it by blood or by choice, means that you will get the help you need so that you can get better.  If you need help, or want to reach out and talk more about it, send me a message.

Baby Eve

I had a baby!

Saturday, June 25 at 3:14 am Evangeline Jane Delay entered the world. Here is the story. 

My due date was June 14, and as the days passed with zero signs of baby planning on entering the world, we met with our doctors to discuss what our best plan of action was. Arron and I were against inducing unless there was a medically necessary reason to evict our child. Part of our reason for this was that no one was completely sure what my due date was. Our dating ultrasound said June 14, but according to my calculations I was due on June 21. However, because of our miscarriage in the spring my cycle was not perfect and so no one could quite put a date on conception. On June 23 we discussed this with our doctor and the OBGYN and they were totally on our side with that decision so long as we came in for monitoring every few days to make sure that we both were OK. 

On Friday,  June 24 we went in for our morning monitoring test and while there our doctor learned that I had very low fluid levels and that my placenta was beginning to calcify. Both signs that my due date was probably earlier rather than later. The low fluid levels were enough of a concern that we all decided it would be in both of our best interests to slowly start inducing and hope for a birth in the next few days.  I was given a dose of cervadil at 1pm on Friday and I prayed, prayed, prayed that it would be enough to start labour as I wanted to avoid an oxytocin drip at all costs. 

Around 4:30 that afternoon I woke up from a nap feeling a little crampy and gas-ey. I sat for a while wondering if maybe, just maybe, this was the start of contractions. I thought I would time my 'gas pains' and see if they were regular. They were coming every 2 minutes and lasted 45-50 seconds each time. I called my Doula - Jenna - and she confirmed that I probably was starting early labour. She told me to sleep as much as I could as the next few days would be tiring. 

My weak contractions continued every two minutes throughout the afternoon and evening getting steadily worse. At this point Arron thought I was doing awesome and that I was handling labour really well! Around 10:30 I called Jenna because I was starting to not be able to manage the pain on my own. Jenna reassured me that this was still early labour and I had a while to go, but she would come over as soon as she could. 

At 11:30 Jenna arrived. Arron and I were labouring in my bedroom and I was in pain. Jenna started working on breathing and moaning techniques and moved me into a warm bath for a while. Around 12:30 I was in so much pain that I was having a hard time doing the breathing/moaning techniques and I changed my mind about wanting/believing that I could do a natural birth. Jenna and Arron were tricky little buggers though and kept saying things like, "Just two more contractions and then we will go."  and "It's still too soon, they might send you back home." I insisted I couldn't do it anymore and around 1am we made our way to the hospital. I felt bad for Arron being trapped in a car with a screaming woman. I had three terrible contractions in the car, one just inside the door of the hospital, and one in the elevator. I guess elevator shafts echo because when the doors open there were five nurses waiting for us! 

We walked into the Maternity Ward, me screaming for an epidural and not wanting to be checked first. Unfortunately I was only 2cm dialated, which wasn't enough to start an epidural. The worst feeling EVER is when you are in pain and the medical staff tells you that you basically need to suck it up for a while longer before they can help you. At this point I started using laughing gas during contractions, which was the one drug that Arron and I had agreed was 'natural' enough for our natural birth since the drug leaves your body as soon as you exhale. 

Things progressed quickly and shortly later I was ready for an epidural. Jenna made sure that this was what I really wanted - and firmly warned me that there was a good chance that getting an epidural at this point would most likely stop my labour. She suggested a shot of morphine instead - something to dull the pain signals going to my brain. I didn't want the labour to stop, so I had a shot of morphine. A shot that didn't kick in until AFTER my baby was born because shortly thereafter it was time to push. I went from 2cm to 10 cm in just over an hour and a half. It was intense.

Evangeline Jane Delay entered the world at 3:14am after 25 minutes of pushing.

Eve is what is known today as a "rainbow baby," which is a baby that is born after a miscarriage or loss.  Eve/Evangeline is a name that we both liked and it means "Good News". Jane was a name we agreed on months ago as a middle name as it is the root of my middle name (Janette), and my grandmother's name. I was so excited to tell her that we named her first great grand child after her. Unfortunately she passed away unexpectedly 5 days before Eve was born, which makes the name even that much more meaningful to me.

We are home now and doing well. She is a good baby and I have an A.M.A.Z.I.N.G husband (seriously amazing), who helps me with feedings, changes 99% of the diapers, feeds me, and takes the 9pm-3am shift so I can sleep. He's been amazing and made this hard and physically painful transition bearable.

So many people have brought us gifts, food, and encouragement and I have a team of people praying for my healing. We are doing well and loving our adorable little girl.